- “NO MA’M, WE DON’T LOOK AT YOUR PERSONAL FILES”, SAVES COPIES OF YOUR NUDE PHOTOS
 - $10.00 SURGE PROTECTOR?, BETTER GET A $19.99 LIFETIME WARRANTY
 - EMPTIES RECYCLE BIN, “$99.99 TUNE UP”
 - KEYBOARD STICKING?, BETTER WIPE ALL OF YOUR DATA
 - DVD TRAY STUCK?, NEW MOTHERBOARD!
 - NEW HDTV?, WILL ONLY WORK WITH A DIAMOND ENCRUSTED HDMI CABLE
 - INTERNET RUNNING SLOW?, BETTER GET A SURGE PROTECTOR
 - YOU WANT MICROSOFT OFFICE?, THAT’S PRETTY ADVANCED, BUT WE CAN DO IT FOR $50
 - MAKE ME STAND ONE MORE TIME…., AND I’LL PEE IN YOUR TEA!!!
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